Senior's Entitlement to Sit and Do Nothing

We here in ‘Amazing Thailand’ are really lucky. In fact, we are pretty spoilt, ‘cause here we are able to get staff to help clean, mop, wash, press, and even to cook, if we are really lucky; that too, at a fraction of what it would cost in places like Singapore. It’s a different matter whether the help is very good, or so-so, or just make-do; whether they are from Isaan, or Nepalese from Myanmar, or Rohingya. But having them around means we are spared the tedious house chores and can sit around doing nothing, or binge on Ekta Kapoor soaps, or leave the house whenever we wish, or even invite friends over without slogging away cleaning and cooking to look like proficient housewives. More so, now, in our senior years, we are entitled to take it easy; after all, we’ve cooked and cleaned and scrubbed while we raised our children alongside doing the obligatory social rounds as adharneeya wives, mothers, and daughters-in-law.

But, it’s worth the while to remember that it’s only by a wee shift of fate that we are lording over them and they, subservient to us; it could have very well been the other way round. There’s nothing that we did, by our own choice, which landed us where we are, and nothing that they did that placed them where they are. It’s just the circumstances under which we were born or married into, and again, there is no guarantee that things remain as they are forever. We’ve seen emperors like the Shah of Iran, wanting for a burial place and a tea boy, sleeping on the stairways of apartments, become the Prime Minister of a populous and diverse country like India.

But then, even while we nag the maids to clean this, that, and the other or chide them for not doing enough, there’s a range of emotions we go through, and below is my senior girlfriend’s take on it:

• Not at all; done enough of it all my life.

• Yes! Occasionally.

• No. This is why she is here, but when there’s extra work, I do help, or offer to help.

• Not at all! My house staff is a caring person and attentive to my needs, and I feel blessed and am enjoying every minute of it, especially since I lived abroad and didn’t have a live-in staff until recently.

• Somewhat. In fact, quite a bit. My maid, who does everything, is older than me.

• So, I do feel guilty, occasionally, but then the day passes, and another day comes.

• Nope! I don’t feel any guilt.

• Since I was raised abroad, I’m very used to doing my own work, and even after moving to Bangkok after marriage, I still prefer to do as much as I can for myself, including getting my own glass of water and putting away the dishes. I also encourage the kids to do as much as they can to help themselves and to assist the house staff.

• Not at all; my life, my rules! Although my mother, even in her advanced years, didn’t demand. In fact, she felt very “kreng-jai“ when she had to ask for help or have sewa done for her.

• I really don’t feel guilty if I’m sitting around doing nothing. I thank God daily that I have maids, so I am free and relaxed. Actually, they are my oxygen because without them, I would be stuck at home and wouldn’t be able to go or do whatever I wanted to, whenever I wished to.

• The long-time maid who just recently left our family used to make me feel guilty. But after hiring the new staff, who aren’t experienced in either cleaning or cooking, I am freed of guilt, even if I sit around doing nothing all day, as they are not looking at me all the time.

• I’m rarely just sitting idle, so I don’t feel guilty, and if I’m feeling lazy, then I just stay out of their sight.