Saris, Sona, and Secrets: Decoding the Kitty Party

Saris, sona (gold), and shaadis: the big three of the elusive kitty party.

Be honest — when you hear “kitty party,” there is a certain image that comes to mind. A gaggle of ladies taking up most of the tables at some trendy new restaurant where you had tried for weeks to get a table, playing some version of Housie or Tambola.

But do you know of the kitty party’s humble origins?

The kitty party, or its original iteration at least, began as an informal savings club in the 1950s. These events were usually at-home gatherings found in homes in North India.

The term kitty does not — sadly — refer to feline friends, but to the money collected at these gatherings every month.

For women whose financial freedom in the 1950s depended on fathers or husbands, kitty parties and the kitty fund allowed them a taste of their own spending money. They also created space for women to build community and vast inner lives outside their roles as someone’s wife or someone’s mother.

Somewhere along the line, things changed. As India ushered in a modern era, the kitty parties of the 1980s and beyond barely resembled their predecessor. One thing has remained constant, though: no men!

Now that you have the background on this age-old aunty tradition, it’s time to learn how to throw your own kitty bash.

First things first, you need a killer location. You could host it at home, but then someone will comment about how you’ve had the same table for years and she has just bought a new mahogany one.

If you host at home, you’ll also have to prepare several dishes for friends who will ask whether the pakodas were made in “healthy oil” because they’re watching their diet. No — the best choice is to hold it at a restaurant.

Once you’ve come to the (right) decision, you must choose a restaurant. If this is your first party for your kitty gang, it would be best to host at an old reliable. That way, you can dazzle your friends with your PhD-level knowledge of the menu and — most importantly — the bathrooms.

If you are old hat at these things, wow your friends with how hip and trendy you are. Nothing is more enticing than the promise of new Instagram photos in a fashionable locale.

How else will you get appreciative messages in the echo chamber that is Instagram comments? No matter how many times we read “Lovely pics, dear,” it is just as precious as the first.

After deciding on a location, equally important is the guest list. If you’re part of a pre-existing kitty party, there’s not much leeway here, but it is good to be aware of the types of company you may be inviting.

“Did you hear about so and so…” is perhaps the most common sentence starter overheard at a kitty party. It is the most efficient way of discovering who is updated on the latest society happenings. The gossiper is often heard iterating this phrase. Be careful — who knows what they’ll say about you?

In the same vein is the braggart. They may be found with the gossiper, but their preferred topic of conversation is themselves or their family — what their children or grandchildren have accomplished and how they are sooo successful. It is best to nod and smile if you come across a braggart.

There is also the avid “complimenter.” This person will slither up to you with a discerning eye and ask where you get everything — from your hair colour to your shoes. Don’t be surprised if they show up at the next kitty function with the exact same earrings. It’s a compliment. You’ve earned it.

Then there is the “Queen Bee.” Everyone flocks to her. She is the ultimate winner of the kitty party’s popularity contest.

The kitty party has a reputation for being vapid, but it fails to mention how it enriches women’s inner lives by providing them with community.

Famous writer Roxane Gay has this to say: “Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be catty, toxic, and competitive. This myth is like heels and purses—pretty but designed to slow women down.”

So, ladies, attend those kitty parties with careless abandon and don’t forget to take pictures. They are memories that will last a lifetime.