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Dear Aunty D: September 2020

by Aiden

Aunty D advises you on matters of life and love.


Hi Aunty D,
Since the lockdown, and having been stuck in the house for almost 24 hours a day, it feels like my mother hos become far too comfortable with me being home. As a matter of fact, since the lockdown was lifted, she decided to set a new curfew for me – 7pm! This is far too early for my lifestyle. I barely hove enough of a social life as it is with all the schoolwork I have to do. How am I supposed to hove fun when I have to be bock home at this time? I even think it’s having a negative effect on my studies. I work hard during the day, so I should be able to do what I want in the evenings. 

Dear Curfew Your Enthusiasm,
You don’t understand that your mother’s heart isn’t in her, but out there somewhere in this big. bad world, inside of you. So yes, having you under her nose {or wings) is comfortable. Make uninterrupted time to Listen to her through FB or calls, and remind her how valuable she is to you and the family. Tell her you love her, though you don’t say it often enough. If going out, assure her you will sanitise everything and anything, and won’t shake hands or hug. and will don a mask. Go enjoy but don’t leave your head in the dustbin.

Dear Aunty D,

We just celebrated my son’s eighth birthday. What started off as a wonderful day, with games, cake, and fun, was totally ruined by my mother-in-law’s thoughtlessness. To preface, before the party, we sent out a list of suggested gifts to all of those invited, featuring enjoyable and wholesome present ideas. However, my mother-in-low decided to completely ignore our recommendations and opted to buy our child a toy gun. A gun! I have always refused to let my son play with such a disgustingly violent symbol. As soon as I realised what it was, I took it from him and threw it in the bin, much to his and my mother-in-law’s dismay. He spent the rest of the party crying and I’ve been dealing with my mother-in-law’s complaints ever since. How do I make it dear to everyone that I’m right and she’s wrong?

Dear Jump the Gun,
What ensued is not about the gift, but the example of violence you taught with the manner you overreacted and ruined the party for everybody around, besides hurting the sentiments of your son and his grandmother. Playing cops and robbers, enacting punches, and falling down dead are in our genes and the funnest part of childhood, as is playing with dolls and enacting weddings. You need to apologise from deep inside and though they’ll forgive you, it’ll remain a ‘memorable’ party for them and the guests. You need to look for the righteousness issues behind your overreaction.

Dear Aunty D,

My daughter has just turned 12 and I’m a bit concerned about her behaviour. Well, maybe not her behaviour exactly. She is as polite and courteous as usual. Rather, it’s the smell of her room that’s been worrying me. There’s something quite peculiar about it. She has always been very clean and tidy so this strange new odour comes as a bit of a surprise, hence our suspicions. My wife and I have always Jived good and chaste lives so we are not really familiar with the smell of alcohol or, god forbid, narcotics. Could this be what we’re dealing with? The smell has a slight almond quality to it, if that helps?

Dear A Nose for Mischief,
Please clear the foul smell of doubt and suspicions soon, as it won’t be a piece of cake even if you share a cosy relationship. Brace yourself to love her for better or worse, more so if it is the latter. You will need to open up your mind and heart and exercise the utmost sensitivity and understanding that our young wade through a very thick and slushy world, and leave the preaching and judging to the priests on the pulpit. Your darling needs all the support you can muster to climb out of this quagmire, now and always!

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