Why Do Indian Families Care So Much About ‘Log Kya Kahenge’?

“‘Log kya kahega?’ or ‘what will people say?’ is like an invisible pressure that shapes many of the choices Indian families make. It comes from the desire to appear respectable, no matter the situation. In many cases, looking good to society matters more than personal happiness. 

For many Indian families, reputation is taken seriously, and because of this, many people live under the influence of social expectations and community approval. 

“Yes, humans are naturally social beings, and most people have a basic psychological need for connection, acceptance, and belonging. Wanting approval or community is normal human behaviour, but when many of life’s biggest decisions are based mainly on other people’s approval, a person may not end up living a truly happy or fulfilled life.

For many, it can even become miserable, constantly trying to gain approval or look good in the eyes of others.”

Many Indian families care about “log kya kahenge?” because their reputation and respect are not seen as individual but as a “collective identity”.

Youtuber Sarthan Virmani explains this concept further, calling it a system that Indian society has created where your “izzat” or honour comes from not just from you as an individual, but also from your family, your society and your entire bloodline. What our society defines as normal or respectable then becomes a standard that people feel pressured to follow. 

For example, “normal” according to Indian society can be something like getting high marks in school, graduating from a reputable university, getting a job before 25 and getting married before 30. In many Indian families, certain careers like doctor, engineer, or government officer are considered “the ideal career” to pursue because it brings a form of honour or respect to the family. 

Many parents basically map out their children’s future, and the children follow it because it’s considered the “right” or socially accepted choice.  “It doesn’t matter if you are passionate about sports or music; many people still end up following the milestones that have already been created for them.

They grow up thinking, ‘Log kya kahega if I become a musician?’ or ‘What will people think if I become a photographer?’ So in the end, many choose the path that society considers respectable. 

Children are also encouraged to choose careers that feel safe and secure. That is why when someone says they want to become a YouTuber or dancer, the response is often, ‘Sure beta, pursue it as a hobby, but choose a solid career like law or software engineering first.’” 

And it is also about pride, where when relatives ask, parents proudly say things like, ‘My son cleared the UPSC exam,’ or ‘My daughter got into Cambridge.’ Their children’s achievements often become a reflection of the family’s status, success, and reputation. 

The “log kya kahenge?” mindset exists in almost every part of Indian society, no matter the class or background. The movie Dil Dhadakne Do gives a good example of the pressure upper-class Indian families often live under, especially the constant need to maintain status and appearances. 

In one scene, Aisha feels hurt because the invitation card for her parents’ anniversary cruise trip mentions only her parents and her brother, even though she planned the entire trip. When her mother points out that Aisha was upset that her name was not included in the invitation, her father says that if they included her name, they would also have to include her husband’s, and people might assume he is sponsoring the trip. 

Caring too much about what people will say can affect a person to the point where they constantly seek validation from others and struggle with making independent decisions. They may keep asking people whether they should pursue a certain career or whether someone is the right partner for them.

Living under society’s approval can also make one miserable from choosing careers they don’t truly enjoy, or even staying stuck in an unhappy marriage or relationship, because they don’t want to disappoint their family or society. 

As a result, a person’s entire life may start revolving around social approval rather than genuinely pursuing what they truly want.”

Sarthak Virmani said in his video that one way to break free from this mindset is to first identify exactly whose opinions you are afraid of. When people actually write down the names of those they fear being judged by, they often realise that many of these fears are imaginary. Most people are too busy dealing with their own lives to constantly think about someone else’s choices. 

Another suggestion he makes is to start permitting yourself to make your own decisions. Even small acts such as choosing what to wear, deciding what to eat, or trying something new without seeking approval can slowly build confidence and independence. These small actions help people feel more in control of their own lives. 

So in the end, it's not about ignoring what people say entirely, because sometimes others' opinions can help us grow or see things differently. But it becomes a problem when the fear of judgment controls our major life decisions. Having a healthy mindset means considering others' opinions without letting them completely decide your life for you.