Traditions We Grew Up With — And the Ones It Might Be Time to Rethink

The Cambridge Dictionary defines tradition [trə'dɪʃ.ən] as “a belief, principle, or a way of acting that people in a particular society or group have continued to follow for a long time.”

Some may see tradition as a pallbearer of the past, while others view it as an unchanged pillar. Then, there are those for whom tradition is something to grow with.

For Indians, tradition is woven into the very fabric of our heritage, passed down through generations, though practice may vary. Each household is different, and not every tradition is a one-size-fits-all.

Through globalisation and technological advances, much like trade and commerce, tradition, too, has evolved. In this piece, Masala reviews traditions we grew up with, continue to practice, and those that might be better left with our parents.

Ins

Sneaking in a few bills to the kiddos of the family as you part ways after a reunion.

As the perceived “child” of the family, receiving a bit of spending money from relatives is often the best part of the family reunion, as well as being a sweet gesture. Especially when you’re told to keep it hush-hush. Secrets keep us close, right?

Setting aside a portion of your first salary for your parents as an act of gratitude.

As children, our parents do so much: raising, feeding, providing, and caring for us. This deed is a small token of our appreciation, something we might not express often enough. Besides, it’s a way for us to spoil them, too.

Outs

Leaving more family wealth to one sibling over the other(s).

Sibling rivalries are hard enough without the added pressure of figures. It’s always tough to feel second-best, especially when your parents are no longer there to mediate. Dividing equally, at least, ensures a temporary peace.

Expecting a dowry.

Yes, we know this system was set up as a contingency plan for the bride, but it’s evolved into something else. When it comes to a dowry, expectation is best left in the rearview. It should be a discussion, not a right.

Ins

Getting married past an “expiration date”.

We’re people, not goods! In today’s day and age, there shouldn’t be a timeline on falling in love or getting married, especially with advancements in fertility medicine. Also, getting married a little later in life allows for time to establish oneself.

Keeping guest lists intimate and meaningful.

No, there’s no need to invite that one person your mom spoke to that one time at so-and-so’s birthday party. Guest lists are vetted for a reason. Your special day should be about celebrating your union with those you know and love.

Outs

Expenditure on multi-day weddings.

Be mindful of a big fat desi wedding. Align your celebrations to your tax bracket. Why must we always spend a small country’s GDP on multiple events across multiple days that often tire guests out?

Wouldn’t that money be better spent on a fund for the newlyweds’ future, instead?

Choosing a partner from the mould.

Seeking: Girl, 5'6, fair, with an honours in communications, must know how to cook… is sooo 1990s. Just because it worked for your parents doesn’t mean it’ll work for you! Have you watched Indian Matchmaking (2020–2023)?

Ins

Open communication.

It’s better to talk about problems as they come, rather than letting them fester as wounds. Sometimes, therapy can be helpful in navigating deep-rooted issues. But if that sounds like “too much”, start with a family dinner.

Carving your own space.

You may find it easier to figure out what kind of partner and/or parent you want to be in your own physical space. It’s tough to assert yourself in your own immediate family when your parents are always there to guide you through it. Some mistakes are yours to grow from.

Outs

Pursuing a career path that was chosen for you.

Doctor. Lawyer. Engineer. Surely there are more than three professions in this world. Are six-plus years in school that enticing to you? You should be given the liberty to, at least, try a handful of careers… as long as you have one.

Women eating last.

How often do you look for your mum as you’re enjoying the warm meal she’s just cooked for you? And where is it that you find her? She’s probably still in the kitchen, hunching over the last batch of rotis. Isn’t it time we changed that?

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Learning your mother tongue.

Mother tongues should be a default at home. For some of us, home is in a different place, and often, language is the only thing tying us to our heritage. Not to mention, the extra language is sure to spruce up your CV.

Passing on the purpose behind rituals.

How many pujas and events have we been dragged to as children without ever being told why? Learning the intent behind the rituals we take part in only enriches the experience and helps decide whether we want to keep them going.

Outs

Investing stock in the stars.

Surely, wearing blue won’t doom you to a life of solitude. Astrology can be helpful when taken with a grain of salt. If anything, it should be more of a ritual of mindfulness rather than something to live by. Free will exists, right? [Knock on wood.]

Treating your heritage with shame.

Assimilation is one thing; disregarding your roots is another. Just because our culture is different from the one we’re in, it doesn’t mean it’s shameful or something we should shy away from. Untethering the bond can be an erasure of identity.

Ins

Tough conversations.

Growing pains, grief, and the dreaded “birds and bees” should be topics parents introduce to their children at the appropriate time. Whether you like it or not, you can’t keep your children in a sheltered bubble forever. They’ll figure it out somehow, so why not let it be on your terms?

Forming one’s own opinion.

Your child isn’t your popsicle mould. They shouldn’t be expected to be agreeable to everything. Let your kids decide for themselves who they want to surround themselves with and what they want to do. Just because you’re not speaking to Rita doesn’t mean your kid can’t. How else are you supposed to find out what she’s up to?

Outs

The one-year age gap.

Age dictates hierarchy, which dictates respect. But how much wisdom does someone 12 months older than you really have? Are you supposed to call Bunty “bhaiya” when you share a homeroom? Make it make sense.

Academic pressure.

Getting a “B” isn’t the end of the world and shouldn’t warrant a guilt trip. Grades often fluctuate, and one letter doesn’t dictate your child’s intelligence or your own reputation. Besides, the math you studied isn’t even in the same playing field as your child’s. Chill.