Flying the Coop: Thai-Indians on Moving Out, Family, and Independence

Pigeons are known as lazy homebuilders and homeowners. Red ovenbirds make intricate “nests” from mud, clay, and grass that are robust.

Now, Thai-Indians are more reflective than ever about their living situations, particularly those planning to fly solo.

What points do Thai-Indians consider when they take a leap of faith to fly the coop? Conversely, what convinces them to stay in the only nest they have ever known?

If I lived abroad, I would have no choice but to manage on my own. But, to live five minutes away, in this traffic? Doesn’t seem worth it.

It makes more sense to move out when I have a partner. In fact, that would make more sense to my parents, too.

I am nearly 40 years old, and I haven’t found a partner. Why would I want to leave the nest? Family is all I have.

Yes, they bother me about the fact that I haven’t found a partner, but I have the same privileges that they do, even more so, by living at home as an adult. My mom still takes on the role of the matriarch of the home, and everything is done for me.

I cook if I want to cook—it’s almost considered a treat for the family. I don’t have to clean.

Living at home, many patriarchal stereotypes don’t apply to me. I’m grateful to always have food on the table even when I’m not the one cooking.

My dad still handles all the finances; I use my earnings to buy what I want, with no repercussions as long as I can afford it. I come outside of my room, and there are people there.

I think about wanting my own space, but I do have enough space when I need it, and I have built-in company when I don’t.

I got engaged when I was much younger, and it didn’t work out. After that, there have been prospects, but nothing has stuck.

Why did I have to wait for my life to “start” over something I couldn’t control? I wanted space and independence. I wanted the feeling of “moving on up”.

I sat my parents down, and told them that I had decided. I was committed to my decision, despite their protests.

I had to make up my mind that even if they didn’t support my choice, it wouldn’t stop me because I had the finances to. So, I only brought this up when I knew I could support myself.

I have learned a lot from my decision. I moved quite far away from them to save on rent, but I found that it was so difficult to get anywhere other than my workplace. My friends and their fast-paced lives were still in Sukhumvit.

Eventually, I had to move back home.

It was easier to move out the second time around because I had done it before. By then, I’d adjusted to independence, prompting a move much closer to my parents, allowing for the best of both worlds.

They, too, rely on me. Not only do I fulfill my responsibilities as their child, I also wish to fulfil them—hence the decision to be nearer to them.

• I don’t think about leaving home because it is not an option for me. In fact, even being asked this question is dangerous because it makes my brain want to think about it—and I am scared to let it.

• All my friends have moved out and are living alone. My situation is different, but what I can say is that you need two things to move out: you have to be able to support yourself; two, it helps if your parents can see other people your age doing it too.

• I think many men want to move out, but can’t because their finances are tied to the family business. I don’t know what is going on there, but I feel like there is a lot of unspoken pressure that men have to keep silent about, and this situation is one of them.

• You want to live alone? It’s easier for divorced people or those with more baggage than boxes. They did everything right, but it still didn’t work out. For those who have had their share of ill-trodden luck, parents don’t want to hold them back from potential happiness, especially if they are so determined.

• First, you have to see if you can afford moving out. In this economy, it makes very little sense.

• I didn’t particularly enjoy living alone when I was in university. However, when I came back home, questions like, “Where are you going?” felt like a shock to my system. Eventually, you get used to it. Especially if your friends are also living with their parents and going through the same motions.

• I’ll be moving out when I get married. I’m engaged at the moment, and it just makes sense to move into the new home once we’re wedded. If I wasn’t engaged? Then, no, I would probably still be home, which would, most likely, drive me to find a wife. [Laughs]

In the battle of moving out versus burrowing in, there seem to be three key factors. First, consider financial stability. Second, debate whether this is a non-negotiable. Third, hold steadfast in your beliefs and do not be afraid to have the difficult conversation.

Bonus: It helps if others fled the nest before you.