The Sassy Side of Sixty: Dads Are Our Children’s First Superheroes

It’s we women whose weights and hormones will hit the roof, and mums who’ll bear the pain to bring the brat into the world, whose first words will probably be “Pa-Pa”!

Not fair, but then, without dad, motherhood wouldn’t be possible!

DADS, OUR CHILDREN’S FIRST SUPERHEROES!

• Confusion and fear; overwhelmed; became childlike, to become one with them.

• Panic: I am expected to be in the delivery room!? Panic: the baby did not come with an owner’s manual, and there was no AI to ask back then!

• I desired only a single child, and that too, a daughter. But the firstborn was a boy; I felt neither elated nor disappointed (choey choey, เฉย เฉย).

The second was yet another hero; again, I was neither negative nor positive. But my wife finally gave me the wonderful gift of a little princess, and that too on an auspicious day in our Sikh faith, which also happened to be my birthday.

I was now sampuran, complete; fatherhood started in earnest, one of love and responsibility!

• There was a cascade of emotions: elation at becoming a father; trepidation and self-doubt about whether I’d be a good father and whether I’d be there when needed, as I was constantly and extensively traveling then.

• Relief was yet another sentiment, and gratitude to the Lord for the gift of a healthy child.

• As mere caretakers of this precious bundle, there was also fear for the child’s unknowable, unforeseeable, probable difficulties, including the unbearable thought of the child’s demise before our own. Such are the wild, wandering ways of the mind.

So, I adapted, adjusted, and compromised!

• When my daughter was born, I was benumbed; I had transitioned from being a husband to also being a father, changing the entire perception of life.

• I was scared to hold her, as she looked so delicate, and thoughts swirled on how to protect her and secure her future.

• But when I coddled her, my worries disappeared, and a calm came over me. My lips moved in prayer to Waheguru, to give me her troubles and transfer all of my happiness to her; I’d never experienced such selfless love.

• I was scared when my wife became pregnant; I was totally unqualified. I wasn’t sure I was ready. Those feelings escalated further when I saw the birthing. I freaked out.

• I realised that this newborn, my child, is a real human being. But I was also excited about the fun things we’d be doing together.

• Now, a few years down, I’m more “settled” and just enjoying the day, trying not to think too much about the future, but mindful that my child needs my guidance. I try to let him use his own judgment to find solutions without getting caught up in emotional tornadoes. So far, he’s an easy child, but I’m apprehensive about the teen years.

• A lot changed—more mentally and emotionally; the thoughts and feelings continue to grow and change with each passing day, not only towards my daughter and her mother, but also personally.

First-time fatherhood can’t be summed up in a couple of sentences or phrases, because it’s more internalised and nothing cliché like, “I am more caring or in touch with feelings,” but comes from a much deeper place of love and care.