Is sibling love lost when romantic love is gained?

Marriage is a union of hearts and families. While there is definitely a family membergained on both sides, there are also many family members who are changed from the variation in family dynamics (and living situations). We will be focusing not on the family members who gained a daughter or a son, but on the siblings who adopted another, and how they all made space for each other in the treehouse of life. When one of the birds flies the coop or invites another to sit and roost, what happens to the movie nights, the popcorn fights, and gossip delights that siblings share?

SIBLING ADJUSTMENTS IN THE “OG HOME”

In a Thai-Indian marriage, at least one partner of the married couple moves out of the home—the ‘OG’ home. Here are a few changes siblings who are ‘left behind’ and ‘the ones that left’ may have to adapt to:

• Immediate, constant, and spontaneous contact is no longer possible.

• Novel or different ways of communicating with family members emerge.

• Roles within the family changing with other siblings forcefully or voluntarily accepting responsibilities that were fulfilled by the sibling who left; the one who left has to also accept a loss of responsibility.

SIBLING ADJUSTMENTS IN THE NEW HOME

In a Thai-Indian marriage, many families welcome one partner of the newly married couple into their family residence, making space for them literally and figuratively. Here are a few changes the siblings in the new home might have to anticipate and navigate when ‘moving one over’ for the newest member of the gang:

• A rearrangement of family roles, where the newest member gains responsibilities and the others lose them or gain additional ones.

• Accepting a new member into treasured family rituals or personal moments.

• Sharing of space with a new person.

• Sharing their sibling with a new person.

• Sibling interaction and frequency changing based on the new member’s expectations and the family’s expectations, often meeting in the middle.

Sunakshi Mahendru Bamb, Creative Director at Brightstar Diamond Co., Ltd., Praveen Anansongvit, Freelance RSVP for Weddings, Ampal Anandwal Sachdev, Director of Admissions at Shrewsbury International School Bangkok City Campus, and Rashni Khanijou, Corporate Linguist & Interpreter, candidly reflect on the ways marriage transformed their relationships with their siblings:

FEELING A LOSS

Sunakshi

My sister got married first in 2019, and I got married in 2023. When my sister got married, the biggest adjustment, beyond welcoming a new family member, was the physical distance since she was moving countries. This meant we really had to rewire and adjust to her not being physically around for everyday interactions and, crucially, for taking primary decisions within the family. Previously, she might have been the central figure or a key collaborator in family choices, or even just a constant presence for immediate input. Her move created a void in that daily involvement and leadership.

Praveen

We spent our childhoods together, whether in Kobe (Japan) or Bangkok. I eventually watched both my sisters move away after their marriages. For the first one, I experienced quietness in my heart, and for the second one, I missed my friend. Although each time was different, a part of it felt the same. Each farewell was tough in its own way. Missing simple moments such as walking into each other’s rooms unannounced, having conversations that never really needed a point, searching for missing clothes that magically vanished from wardrobes, telepathic conversations through eye contact, and uncontrollable bursts of laughter that left us gasping for air. Sometimes, just being in the same room, even in silence, meant everything was complete.

Ampal

I got married 10 years ago. While I expected the typical changes that come with married life, like new routines, responsibilities, and shifting priorities, I didn’t expect my sibling relationships to transform quite so significantly. My siblings and I (four of us) started seeing each other not just as the kids who used to fight over the TV remote, but as adults navigating real-life responsibilities like careers, in-laws, and parenting.

Rashni

As the middle child in a family of five sisters, I’ve always felt cradled between wisdom and wonder, with two older sisters to look up to and two younger ones to guide. When my older sisters got married, things naturally began to shift. The house felt quieter, and I had to adjust to not being able to talk to them whenever I wanted. Their lives settled into new routines and responsibilities, something I respected even if it took me time to adapt. I had to learn to share them with a new world, one that didn’t always include me.

NEW WAYS TO COMMUNICATE

Sunakshi

Due to the physical distance that was now our reality, we established new communication rhythms across time zones.

Praveen

As sisters, with individual growing responsibilities and different time zones, most of our conversations were replaced with typed messages, simply because it was convenient and fast. Deciphering feelings and imagining situations through texts became the norm. Birthdays are celebrated through video calls!

Ampal

There were adjustments, of course. As our lives got busier, spontaneous catch-ups became harder to come by. Rather than growing apart, we actually grew closer, just in a different way. Our conversations became more thoughtful. We checked in with each other more intentionally. We started offering real advice, deeper support, and genuine encouragement when one of us needed it.

Rashni

When my older sisters left, my younger sisters were still by my side. Their energy, laughter, and constant presence lled the quiet spaces with warmth. They reminded me that sisterhood simply reshapes itself in beautiful, unexpected ways. Whether it’s reminding me to stay grounded or just letting me vent, I know that there is nothing I cannot share with them. I can be completely myself, and with all of us living our own lives, we take time to connect.

ONGOING SUPPORT DESPITE LIFE’S CHANGES (NOT ONLY SPECIFIC TO MARRIAGE)

Praveen

Despite the distance, the busy schedules, and the different lives we now lead, the bond with my sisters still remains as strong as ever. What’s beautiful is that our relationship has matured with time. We’ve become more intentional, more appreciative, and more understanding of each other’s lives.

Ampal

Looking back, I believe marriage didn’t just change my life; it helped deepen my bond with my siblings. Today, our relationship feels stronger than ever. Marriage may have introduced distance in some aspects, but it also brought us closer in all the ways that truly matter.

Rashni

Through every stage of life, one truth remains: my sisters are my constant. Each of them brings something different: wisdom, comfort, laughter, and strength. They are my compass when I’m lost, my peace when life gets loud, and my biggest cheerleaders through it all.

A SIBLING GAINED

Sunakshi

My life has truly changed for the better since my sibling got married, largely because my brother-in-law now plays a huge, positive role in our family decisions and shares unconditional love with everyone. It’s been wonderful to see how his presence has enriched our family dynamic, bringing a fresh perspective and an abundance of warmth and support into our lives.

HEARD BY THAI-INDIAN COMMUNITY MEMBERS: THE OTHER ASPECTS OF SIBLING ADJUSTMENT

“My sibling getting married was great because all the adjustments were worth it when my nephew was born. If my brother did not get married, I wouldn’t have that sweet little boy to spoil!”

“My brother got married, so I made an effort to have a connection with my sister-in-law. It was awkward in the beginning, but as we got to know each other, we got along really well, and my conversations with my brother have been replaced with conversations with my sister-in-law!”

“I understand my sister being so far away, it’s a part of life, but when we have to take a family picture with my sister and jija with their faces on a screen via a laptop on my lap, it really gets to me.”

“My family likes to play games when we meet up for dinner or an occasion. We have found games through the phone, and once in a while, when the timing is right, my sister and jija can join in even though they are so far away.”

“The way I communicate with my siblings has changed. I get most of the general news about the family from my mother. Then, I follow up with my siblings for deeper information and expression.”

“Sometimes our arguments span out longer than they would if we shared a space. Because there is no opportunity to meet or it can be avoided more easily, necessary talks can be put off for longer.”