In many of Indian families, you may notice that a mother has a very strong attachment with their sons. Not in every household, of course, but often enough that it becomes noticeable. Sometimes the bonds between a mother and son are so strong that it shapes how he makes choices later on, especially in relationships and marriage.
It shows up subtly, for example, whose opinion he values most, who he turns to for reassurance, or how conflicts are handled.
This is often where the label “mama’s boy” comes from. Not always as an insult, but as a way to describe a dynamic that, today, many women are beginning to question as expectations around independence and partnership continue to change.
The term "Mama's Boy" describes a man who has an unhealthy level of dependence on his mother even in adulthood. This type of man is often seen as lacking self-reliance.
The concept of "Mama's Boy" emerged in the early 1900s, but at that time, this term had a negative connotation. Since men were taught to grow up tough and independent, a man who is referred to as a "Mama's boy", is often seen as a weak man.
Modern psychology, however, suggests that a close bond with the mother can help boys develop confidence and emotional regulation.
While a man who is close to his mother isn't necessarily a bad thing, it does become a problem when he cannot function without her.
The unhealthy dependency a son develops with his mother often stems from the type of love he received while growing up, especially when that love came from an anxious place, and what happens is, the son ends up downloading the mother's anxieties.
And this form of attachment is often witnessed in an Indian household where Indian moms favour and cuddle their sons, not always exactly because he wants it, but because she wants it.
Before we decide to just label some Indian men "Mama's Boy", let's look at why this is the case. First, let’s look at the system within Indian households that has been passed down through generations.
In the past, men were heavily relied on for financial support as women's role were mainly housework and raising children. Daughters were expected to leave after marriage, but sons were expected to support the family financially, carry the family's name and support them in old age.
For many mothers, their son's success becomes their main source of meaning and security, as their lives may have lacked the freedom to support themselves.
Mothers also often relied on their sons for comfort when their partners were emotionally unavailable, and that also deepened their bond. So in this dynamic, his achievements feel like her survival, and his failure feels like her loss.
So the love we are talking about between a mother and son, and why she often favours him, comes more from fear and anxiety than intention. It grows out of insecurity, loneliness, and pressure from society. Over time, this is how anxiety-based favouring quietly gets passed down through families.
I remember watching Dil Dhadakne Do and noticed the difference in how Shefali Shah’s character relates to her two children. While she doesn't love one child more than the other, there's a noticeable softness and nurturing with her son, who was played by Raveer Singh.
Whenever the father pushes him too hard, she instinctively steps in. In one scene, when he was distressed, she asks him what he wants most, and he admits he wishes his father would not sell the plane. Despite knowing the family’s financial situation, her instinct is still to protect him, even offering to sell her shares so she can gift him a plane.
With her daughter, played by Priyanka Chopra, the dynamic feels different. Though she does love her, she isn’t a “mama’s girl” in the same way. The relationship comes across as more restrained.
In the scene where the cruise stops in Turkey, and they are at the Turkish bath, she tries to consult her mother regarding her marriage issue, which results in her snapping and saying that as long as he's doing well financially, she will never be deprived of anything she wishes to buy.
She goes on to tell her that she's prioritising her career too much and suggests she focuses on household responsibilities instead.
Being a "Mamma's Boy" affects marriage in a way that he prioritises his relationship with his mother over his partner. He will often side with his mother to avoid upsetting her, and as a result, the partner becomes more like the third wheel. He becomes the ideal son but struggles to adopt the role of a husband after marriage.
When a 'mama's boy' gets married, instead of seeing his wife as a partner and prioritising her needs, she becomes more like his caretaker and a person who handles all his tantrums. He becomes reluctant to form a certain bond with her, and as a result, the relationship becomes unfulfilled. She is often left feeling broken, confused, violated and even guilty from the constant gaslighting.
In short, no matter what the wife does, it will never be enough for a 'mamas boy'.
Back then, women were more dependent and with that comes a lack of freedom. So most women had to face the consequences of being with a "mama's boy" because they were simply stuck.
However, as women become more educated and financially independent, they have the freedom to choose. So it's no surprise for women to naturally expect life decisions to be more equal and self-directed. When there's more freedom, women tend to re-evaluate the old family system and expectations.
Many women, especially the younger generations, are therefore questioning what it means for a grown man to stay too dependent on his mother.
In short, what was viewed as 'normal' in the old days is being looked at more closely and critically.