To the mister and kids, the Mrs/mom appears irrational. She’s constantly agitated, irritated, angry, anxious, and weepy for no obvious reasons. Her moods are just so unpredictable, aren’t they?
But, she neither chose these emotions, nor is she angry with anyone. This woman, who’s been the pillar and the shoulder everyone leaned on, is undergoing a profoundly turbulent perimenopausal and the eventual menopause phase which will permanently reduce the quality of her life.
She’s in dire need of that same understanding, support, and patience that she exercised through the years.
Altered brain chemistry gives her chronic insomnia, debilitating brain fog, and lousy moods. Understand her comfort levels for crowds and noise.
Reduced absorption and reduced bone density results in loss of muscle mass causing fatigue, joint pain, and urinary incontinence. Good time to step up to help with household chores and other responsibilities.
Sweating and shortness of breath accompanying the infamous and extremely disruptive hot flashes. Sympathise with her.
Lethargic metabolism. Be extremely sensitive to her expanding waistline. Initiate healthy eating and exercise habits as a family.
Physical changes, such as thinning and greying hair and sagging skin. Give genuine compliments.
At 40, I embraced menopause with open arms; felt a sense of growth. I’d pause, close my eyes and let the body sweat out the hot flashes.
I crashed into menopause the moment I started chemo, feeling short-tempered, sweaty, and showered often. Going through intravenous chemo, five year of Tamoxifen, and six to eight months for the chemicals to wash out, did a number on me. It wasn’t a fun experience, working full time and sleeping barely two to three hours a night.
As I had heavy and painful menstruations twice a month, I expected a problematic menopause. But, going through it (early) at 47 felt lucky.
Like an expiry date, it hit me at 50 years on the dot. Overnight, like an old rubber band, my skin lost its elasticity and sagged. It became scaly, rash prone, and itchy. On top of that, I experienced thinning hair, morbid thoughts, lethargy, and apathy.
I had irregular periods and eventually menopaused at 52, suffering hot flashes, night sweats, and sleep problems. But, I kept myself busy to not focus on the symptoms.
Around my mid-40s, I became constantly angry, agitated, and impatient. It was a difficult and stressful time; my children were schooling here and becoming teens. Thankfully, my husband was understanding and patient.
I thought my heavy flow with clots was normal, until my visiting mother forced me to visit a gyno. At 51, my uterus and one ovary were removed. With the remaining ovary, I didn’t need hormone supplements, although I’ve been stuck with a pot belly since.
At 47, “koi hosh nahi si notice karan di”, it was the turning point of my life in every way.
- I bled a lot, so I did the recommended Dilation and Curettage (D&C), after which I had horrible hot/cold flashes and was irritable. Later, I started bleeding chunks and was given pills, which eventually brought on the menopause at around 54 to 55.
I was prepared, but the sudden heavy flow just before and that too, during my daughter’s marriage, was exhausting. I carried a sweater for my hot/cold flashes. Luckily, meditating and making an effort to take walks freed me.
I don’t think my hubby ever understood my mood swings —which I’m sure I had!—which often left me feeling like the “bad” one. So, I lapped it up and simmered on the back burner. Sounds so silly now!
Nobody talked about the big “M”. So, at 48-ish, I suffered nighttime hear palpitations and lost nearly 15 kgs within two years. I thought I was sick. This was also my eldest child’s wedding time. I did many checkups, but nobody looked into menopause. It took me the next two years to gain a single kilo.
I was in my early 30s when, despite several laparoscopies, the endometriosis kept recurring. There was constant pain from a large cyst, forcing the removal of one ovary. Nonetheless, the fibroids kept coming back, which eventually led to a hysterectomy. Initially, I suffered extreme mood swings which eased somewhat after being prescribed hormone replacements. But because there was a lapse before starting, I’ve developed osteoporosis.