Transitioning from girlhood into young womanhood is one of the most heartwarming—and slightly terrifying—shifts a parent will ever witness. As your daughter trades toys for trips to the nail salon, her first real skincare routine, and strategic applications of mascara, parents are left playing a daily game of tactical diplomacy.
How do you honour her growing independence without completely losing your sanity—or letting her test out dynamic eyeliner techniques right before family dinner?
Deciding when to greenlight cosmetics, personal care, and evening outings isn't just about beauty trends or curfews; it’s about guiding her as she figures out who she is (and realising that you’re actually on her side).
In this annual Women’s Issue, we’re diving into the art of parenting girls across the threshold of growing up—helping you figure out when to hold the line, when to laugh it off, and when to let her take the wheel. Two knowledgeable mothers, both with two daughters, share their wisdom about raising pre-teens and teenagers.
Mother of Two 12-Year-Old Daughters
As a mother raising two girls and as a Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT®) practitioner, I understand how much change occurs during the transition from girlhood into young womanhood. I don't think this transition is about simply giving girls more freedom or putting more restrictions on them. It's about helping them develop the confidence and judgment to make healthy choices for themselves.
As parents, we often notice the physical changes before we notice what is happening emotionally. Our daughters are starting to think about who they are, how they look, and what other people think of them. Oftentimes, our initial reaction can be, “Why are you worrying about this? You should be concentrating on your studies.” Instead, I encourage parents to get curious.
If your daughter suddenly wants to wear makeup, rather than saying, “You don't need it, you're beautiful without it,” ask her: “What do you like about wearing makeup?” “Is there something happening at school or with your friends that has made you interested in it?” You may discover that it's simply fun. Or you may find out that she's feeling pressure to fit in or look a certain way. The conversation is often more important than the makeup itself.
I want my daughters to understand that makeup is an option, not a requirement. You don't wear makeup because you're not beautiful. You wear it because you enjoy it. That distinction can make a big difference.
Similarly, regarding waxing or hair removal, I would approach this in much the same way. If a daughter asks about removing body hair, I would first ask her what is making her want to do it. Has someone made a comment? Or is she simply curious?
Puberty can already make girls hyper-aware of their changing bodies, so we need to be careful not to give them the message that something natural about their body is problematic. However, I also don't believe parents need to turn every beauty decision into a serious psychological discussion. If removing hair makes her feel more comfortable, we can talk about doing it safely and appropriately.
When it comes to getting their nails done, for many girls, this is simply about having fun with friends and expressing themselves. I don't have a problem with an occasional manicure or nail polish for a special occasion. With younger children, though, I'd be more mindful about the products being used.
When it comes to going out in the evenings, I'd look at the individual child—their maturity, sense of responsibility, where they're going, who they're with, and how they're getting home. Freedom should gradually come with responsibility.
For younger, pre-teen children, I feel parents need to be particularly careful about sleepovers and should know the family and environment well before saying yes. As teenagers become more independent, the conversation can change, but safety still comes first. It's not about creating fear, but ensuring our daughters understand that independence also comes with responsibility.
Social media and the pressure to look a certain way can be a challenging area for parents. Through social media, she can be exposed to thousands of images of what supposedly represents beauty, success, and popularity. Many of those images are filtered, edited, or carefully curated, but a young mind may not always make that distinction.
Over time, she can start thinking: My skin isn't good enough. My body isn't good enough. I need to look like this to be accepted. As an RTT® practitioner, I pay a lot of attention to the messages children repeatedly hear because repetition can influence the beliefs they develop about themselves.
That's why I think our conversations with daughters need to go beyond appearance. Tell her she's beautiful, of course. But also notice when she's brave, kind, curious, funny, creative, or resilient.
Mothers do need to be particularly careful when talking about certain topics with their daughters.
I'd be very mindful with comments about weight, food, appearance, and comparisons to other girls. Sometimes we say things without thinking: “You've put on weight.” “Don't eat so much.” “She's so pretty.” “You don't look your best today.” We may not mean anything harmful by them, but children can remember these comments for years.
And sometimes the issue isn't even what we're saying to our daughters. It's what they're hearing us say about ourselves. If a mother constantly criticises her own body, worries about her weight or says she doesn't look good, her daughter is watching and learning. We don't have to pretend we have zero insecurities. But we can show them that our worth isn't determined by our appearance.
What does being a “good mother” to a teenage girl look like? I don't think it means preventing your daughter from making mistakes, but rather making sure she knows she has somewhere safe to turn when things don't go according to plan.
I want my daughters to know: You can disagree with me. You can make mistakes. You can tell me something uncomfortable. You can change your mind. And you never have to be perfect for me to love you.
Of course, there will still be rules and consequences. But ultimately, I don't want to raise girls who simply obey because they're afraid of getting into trouble. I want to raise young women who can think for themselves, understand consequences, and make good decisions even when I'm not there.
What would you say to mothers who are struggling to let go?
I'd say: your daughter is growing up, and you are not losing her. Sometimes our fear about our children's independence is connected to our own childhood experiences. This is where looking at our inner child can be very valuable.
When a child's behaviour creates an unusually strong reaction in us, it's worth asking ourselves: “Is this really about what my daughter has just done, or has it touched something from my own past?” So instead of immediately asking, “How do I prevent my daughter from doing this?” we can sometimes pause and ask: “Why is this affecting me so strongly?” That little pause can change the entire conversation.
Mother to 14 and 16-Year-Old Daughters
As a mother of two wonderful teenage daughters, it can be challenging to always be the mum who says “no” to almost everything that’s trending on TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram, or any other social media platform—especially when it comes to skincare routines.
I believe that many of the skincare products marketed specifically “for teenagers” on store shelves are unnecessary. Your genes don’t lie! What you inherit can go a long way, provided it’s handled with care. Your teenagers do not need a shelf full of skincare products. At this age, one of the best skincare routines they can have is actually a good lifestyle—a healthy diet, adequate sleep, hydration, and basic skin hygiene.
Your body is magical. It has an incredible ability to repair and renew itself. Your skin is your body’s largest organ, and some substances that you put on it can penetrate the skin and be absorbed into the body. Just imagine! So I simply tell my girls: “If you cannot eat it, think twice before you apply it!”
Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Do they implement this? Absolutely not! Why? Because I don’t!
Even though I’m not big on makeup myself, I do enjoy a little bit of blush, mascara, and gloss here and there… So, to make things easier, I have a few rules—which I try to follow as well. Sometimes, it’s important to snap out of Cruella mode and allow them a little bit of fun in life.
Elaborate skincare routines for my teenagers—face-mask sheets, multiple creams, facial oils, and so on—are a no-no. Not yet. But a little mascara, a light lip gloss, and an eyelash curler are acceptable, because skin first and makeup later—always! I tell them, “When you have clear, healthy skin, everything looks good on you. So take care of your skin first. Makeup can wait.”
I also try my best to remind them to embrace their beauty without constantly wanting to change something about themselves. I say, “You are so beautiful just the way you are,” while simultaneously telling them, “Beta, at least comb your hair before you step out of the house!”
So amidst all the love, humour, and contradiction, there is this desire to protect them while also preparing them for a world in which we cannot always be beside them. It’s time to slowly cut the umbilical cord and hand them back to the ONE who gave them to me in the first place.
“Prabh dori haath Tumarey.” Which loosely translates to “O God, their reins are in Your hands.”
Two daughters, poles apart. Two different lives. Yet both share the same family values and beliefs. One may be emotionally ready for something at 14, while the other may not be ready even at 16. So instead of looking at the number of candles on the cake, we need to observe the girl standing in front of us.
So my answer is no—there isn’t one “appropriate” age or a number I could give you for curfews, waxing, makeup, or that first visit to the salon. When your child is ready, the rule will appear. For now, I’m floating along, and I’ll cross each bridge when we get there.
And I know they will fall, dust themselves off, rise again, and eventually soar to the greatest heights. Because there is a higher Divine Power taking care of them, and I have to eventually learn to let go of the reins.
So, mothers! My two cents: Walk the talk. Be their GPS, and trust that, eventually, they will learn to navigate their own way.