What’s this thick envelope that has shown up at my house? Oh, it must be the wedding card for Sonu and Sona. It would be really unfortunate if they chose #SoSo as their couple hashtag. Let’s open it and see the details:
You are cordially invited to the wedding celebration of #SoSo in Phuket!
Welcome dinner attire: Palm tree vibes.
Sangeet night: Bollywood meets 1920s with a touch of neon.
Haldi ceremony: Rockstar look in Pantone Yellow 12-0643 TCX only.
Wedding: Pastel colours (ONLY those that begin with the letter “S”).
Reception: Underwater chic.
What’s this thick envelope that has shown up at my house? Oh, it must be the wedding card for Sonu and Sona. It would be really unfortunate if they chose #SoSo as their couple hashtag.
Let’s open it and see the details:
What in the world?! Does underwater chic mean dressing as a mermaid or scuba diver? And what pastel colour begins with the letter “S”? Saffron? Sage? Stupidity?
They should change their hashtag to #SoSoStressful with these ridiculous outfit themes! Am I expected to quit my job to search for such over-the-top clothes? Then somehow lug 20 outfits all the way to Phuket in my suitcase that already resembles an overstuffed samosa.
Phew, I finally made it on the plane. Who knew you weren’t allowed to have safety pins in your carry-on bag? And the nerve of the check-in agent to ask if I’m moving to Phuket permanently. Have they never encountered an Indian wedding guest before?
Wow, I can already hear the dhol players as we are arriving at the hotel in our van. The non-wedding guests must be loving all this ruckus.
Here’s the groom and his friends dancing in the lobby to greet us. They definitely have been drinking since breakfast.
I need to make sure my room is ready because I’m not sure if I filled out all 47 forms the wedding planners sent me.
I see the wedding planners scurrying around with their headsets at the hospitality desk. I will need to book hair, makeup, and a sari-tying expert for the sangeet and wedding, although I’m not sure I can wait that long because the Phuket humidity is already taking a toll.
What do you mean the beauty salon is only reserved for immediate family? No, I did not see the QR code for makeup bookings in the 12th email you sent.
You can arrange an elephant for the groom but you can’t send someone to help me with my sari for 10 minutes?
Look at the decor of this welcome dinner! They really took the palm tree vibes seriously.
Wow, the bride and groom are making their first entrance by climbing down from actual palm trees! How can she climb down in that lehenga? Amazing!
What happened last night? No one told me there was an after-party as well. Thank goodness for this “Shaadi Hangover Kit” in the room’s gift hamper.
I’m going to need it to survive this afternoon’s pool party. Oh look, there’s the groom and his friends drinking again and pushing each other into the pool.
I can’t believe it’s time for the wedding ceremony already! We were told it would start at 4 PM sharp but it looks like nothing is happening yet.
I’ll just take some sunset selfies since I’ve already been waiting for over an hour.
Is that the bride parasailing to the mandap? How many unique entrances can they think of for these events? At this point I’m just waiting for someone to arrive by submarine.
Luckily, there’s no dress code for going to the airport except my huge sunglasses. After four days of food, drinks, and dancing, I can’t feel my feet or brain.
Especially since the reception started at 11 PM last night after the bride had to change her whole look.
But I can’t wait to go through the 800 photos I took on the flight home, and I definitely can’t wait to pack 20 more outfits when I get my invite for the next destination wedding!