There is something tender and possibly even romantic about making a sacrifice for the person you love. But does it feel the same when you are told that their life depends on you going without food or water?
For many women of our generation, Karwa Chauth sits somewhere between those two feelings. We recognise the affection behind it, perhaps remember our mothers dressing for the evening, yet wonder: why does a husband’s wellbeing become his wife’s responsibility to fast for?
Before deciding whether to keep the ritual, it helps to understand what we are keeping.
Observed particularly in northern India, Karwa Chauth traditionally involves married women fasting from sunrise until moonrise, often without water, and praying for their husbands’ longevity and wellbeing. Customs vary, but may include worship of Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati, storytelling, and gathering with other women.
Its religious significance lies within the wider Hindu practice of vrata: a vow expressed through an observance such as fasting. For a devotee, temporarily setting aside appetite can become an act of discipline and prayer. Karwa Chauth directs that intention towards marital wellbeing.
The stories surrounding it also deserve attention. In a widely told legend, Veeravati, whose brothers cannot bear to see her suffering through her fast, trick her into believing the moon has risen so that she will eat. When she breaks her fast, her husband dies. Through renewed fasting and devotion, she eventually brings him back to life.
For some, the story celebrates a woman’s faith and the power of her devotion. But there is another, more unsettling message a listener might take from it: that a husband’s survival rests on his wife’s ability to endure.
What happens when a story intended to inspire faith leaves a woman afraid to eat?
That is where the difficult questions begin.
Can a vow be freely chosen if refusing it invites guilt?
If a woman worries that eating will bring harm to her husband, how much room does she have to decide? And why should the wish to grow old together be expressed through sacrifice expected primarily of one partner?
These questions need not erase what women cherish about the day. The gathering, prayer, and continuity with mothers and grandmothers can carry real meaning. A woman can value those connections while questioning the expectations attached to them.
Hindu scriptures also offer grounds for examining austerity itself. The Bhagavad Gita criticises austerity undertaken through deluded determination and self-torment. It is not commenting on Karwa Chauth specifically, but it offers a useful lens: discomfort alone does not establish spiritual worth.
So what might a conscious choice look like?
For some women, it will mean continuing the traditional fast because it expresses a faith they freely hold. For others, it will mean keeping the prayer and gathering while eating and drinking. Some couples may create a shared observance: time away from their phones, a prayer for each other, an honest conversation about their marriage, or a day spent together with hearty meals.
And some women will choose to forgo any form of the tradition. That decision need not become a verdict on their love, their marriage, or the women who came before them.
Perhaps the most useful question for women grappling with the decision to fast or not, is to ask themselves: what does this observance bring into our relationship?
If the answer is gratitude, freely chosen devotion, and mutual care, there may be something worth carrying forward. If it is obligation, fear, or resentment, there is something worth reconsidering.
Wishing for a long life together is a beautiful intention. How we care for each other throughout that life deserves just as much devotion.