We love our Indian aunties, but usually from a safe distance. Get too close and they might ask why you look so tired or point out that your lipstick shade is all wrong for your skin tone.
But what if you’re closer to auntie status than you think? Take this quiz to find out if you’re still young and cool, or if it’s time to start stacking those 22-karat gold bangles on your wrist.
A) A lady never reveals what’s in her purse.
B) Lipstick, mirror, phone, and a reusable shopping bag that always comes in handy.
C) Crumpled tissues and toothpicks taken from various restaurants, snacks and hard candies for a pick-me-up, and prasad from various pujas to hand out to acquaintances.
A) Ask for a wedge of lime.
B) Drink it.
C) Send it back horrified and ask for hot water only. Next thing you know, the food will also be too salty for your taste.
A) Something I would never be invited to.
B) An event I would only go to if my mom forced me, and I would sit politely while waiting for the food.
C) The best time to showcase my traditional singing and dancing skills, and I won’t give up the microphone until everyone has heard me belt out at least three folk songs off-key.
A) Why would I react?
B) Assume they just came from the gym.
C) My goodness, didn’t their mother teach them they could catch a cold like that?! Keep them away from the air conditioner! Also, I need to give them my hairdresser’s number.
A) That crazy night in college when you ran around naked through campus.
B) An art viewing at a gallery.
C) The weekly events showcasing Indian clothing, where you buy another outfit for your already overflowing wardrobe because there are numerous social occasions for you to wear it. Plus, there’s always a chance of being photographed for Masala
A) Whispering excitedly about the cute singles sitting at the table nearby.
B) Discussing your latest work project and the promotion you are up for soon.
C) Whether you are going to the latest exhibition coming up next weekend, the benefits of the new magnesium you are taking, and whether dinner hit your protein goals. Not to mention, loudly screeching, “What is she wearing?!” (Most likely referring to the ladies of Option A).
A) Flopped down on the couch with a glass of wine and a bar of chocolate.
B) Cleaning up the kitchen and soaking almonds to peel tomorrow morning.
C) Chewing your saunf while getting ready to go out for a walk in the soi. While walking, you make sure to send all your friends reels about what they must do for optimal digestion.
A) A flyer for a new club opening.
B) A photo of your kids.
C) An invitation to a sound bath/meditation/reiki session/hormone-balancing workshop/anything that promises “healing.”
Lucky you, you’re still young and unbothered by things like declining oestrogen and the gut-wrenching effects of eating too late. You can even stay up past midnight and be fresh the next day. Enjoy it while it lasts!
You are starting to exhibit early auntie symptoms but still have a way to go before you get horrified by someone who is unmarried or wearing skimpy clothes. Right now, you are mostly practical, but sooner rather than later, you will start wondering why those miniskirts bother you so much.
The transformation to only drinking garam pani and carrying emergency snacks is complete. Your social media is rife with perimenopause content, your WhatsApp forwards are all about digestion, and why is it so hard to think clearly when the music is playing too loud? Have you got your 22-karat bangles ready yet?