It’s finally here! The moment your parents have dreamt of since you were born…your wedding! You’re ready for a week of festivities where all eyes will be on you. Except soon, you will learn it was never about you, but rather making sure all the guests your family forced you to invite don’t make too much of a fuss. Especially these five notable characters you meet at every Indian wedding:
The uncle who complains if there’s no alcohol
Now, uncles usually go wherever their wives tell them to, so if they are being mandated to show up for your wedding parties, you’d better believe they are expecting to have a good time. Until they find out there’s no open bar or any alcohol being served.
(Don’t even get us started if there’s only veg food available.) But these uncles won’t stand around and pretend to have fun; instead, they will round up their uncle friends to find the nearest bar and enjoy their night until their wives call them to demand to go home.
The youngest family members who are so excited about their dance
Aren’t little kids the cutest? Of course, you think that you’re just getting married, so it’s most likely you don’t have any of your own yet. One highlight of the lengthy performances that take up the sangeet night is the dance put on by the youngest kids in the family. Here you see the whole range of expertise, from the tween who can follow every TikTok trend, to the toddler who can still get away with nose-picking on stage.
The dance teacher or a mom is usually somewhere nearby so the kids can copy the moves. It’s all fun and sweet until the adrenaline, coupled with staying up way past bedtime, results in these kids running wild around your party and stealing flowers from the decor.
The one who must comment on the food being served
First in the buffet line, this wedding guest takes joy in complaining about the food selection. From how salty something is, to the spice level, or why the Thai to Indian food ratio is not skewed to their preference - no commentary is off limits. Of course, this won’t prevent them from eating everything anyway.
They will also gasp when a food item runs out and share this information with anyone they meet, while making sure to let everyone know that this never happened at the wedding they planned for their son/daughter.
The non-Indian having more fun than the Indians
There’s nothing more exciting than for a non-Indian guest to attend a wedding decked out in a lehenga, bindi, bangles, and everything they borrowed from their Indian friends. They will sit patiently getting mehndi put on their hands and not even complain about the smell.
They will tear up the dance floor the whole night, bringing the best of Bollywood and Bhangra. They will be taking numerous selfies and outfit pictures while having the best night of their lives.
The auntie gossip gang
These auntie besties are looking fabulous, but don’t underestimate their fierceness. Sitting and watching from their own table, they are making mental tsktsk notes of who is happily chugging down the huge vodka bottle that the bartender is pouring into people’s mouths.
They’ve already made their rounds asking, “when’s your turn,” while giving tips about how you should have worn more makeup or matched your jewellery better. Don’t take it personally though, they are probably just trying to help you find someone to marry so they can attend your wedding and do the same thing to someone else.