We Spill The Chai about telling your parents about BAE.
By Amornrat Sidhu
This is a tribute to our poor parents. They have had to change and tolerate the most in terms of our relationships. First, they had to manage their expectations that arranged marriages are no longer the norm, then came love that was found outside their society, religion, country, and most commonly—outside their knowledge or permission! Read on for the scoop on confessions, and the resulting happy endings!
CAN’T SNEAK AROUND NO MO’
29 years old, Make-up Artist
Our families have known each other for more than 40 years, but I only met Rasesh three years ago. We just kept missing each other. When we finally did meet, Rasesh pursued me for a year! We played it cool and were cautious because our families are so interconnected—to the point that sneaking around was becoming too much of a hassle! We broke it to our parents because we just could not hide our relationship anymore. They were shocked, overwhelmed, and happy. Things escalated pretty quickly from there!
THE GREAT ELOPE
38 years old, Homemaker
He was my high school sweetheart. I loved him, and he loved me. My family forbade the relationship because he had the reputation of a rebel and a bad boy. His family liked me. We decided that we could not live without each other so we ran away and got married anyway. We went to get the legal marriage certificate on impulse, but he assured me that once we told his family that we were married, they would accept me and be okay with me living with them. My family was furious and did not talk to me or my husband’s family for years.
Once I had my children, they warmed up to my husband and the relationship. It all started with my first-born child. They
ended up coming to see him baptised. Slowly, slowly they started messaging to ask about him. Eventually, they saw
that my husband was a good provider and an even better father to our children.
Honey Gilani, 29 years old, Owner of All About Bath
I broke the news to my sisters, and then they broke the news to my parents after a few days because I was not brave enough to tell them myself. My parents’ reaction was, “Huh? Musalman?!” They said that my mom was very skeptical, and my dad was just ice cold. So, when my mom brought it up with me a few days later and asked me questions about him, and whether I was sure of my choice, I was sweating from every pore because I thought that they were going to reject this relationship for sure. I tried my best to explain how he was the one for me. Once they met Aziz, I guess he charmed them with his dimples because they both fell in love with him almost immediately. When both our parents met for the first time, Aziz was so nervous he barely touched his food! It is so strange looking back because now I cannot fathom what all the fuss was about!
MAN, UNITE THEM!
25 years old, Kindergarten Teacher
My parents only want the best for me, and I knew I did not want to battle with them about a very important life choice. Therefore, I sought my parents’ approval very early on in my relationship. Since football was a mutual interest between my father and my new beau, I (very subtly) connected my dad with him to buy Manchester United tickets.Who knew this meant that I committed myself to a lifetime of Man United mania?—First at my dad’s house, and soon to continue in my new home…
MY PARENTS TOLD ME
40 years old, Homemaker
I was 19 years old, and the conversation of my marriage kept coming up until finally, my parents asked me to meet a suitor. There literally was a middle-man in the form of your typical uncle, who egged my parents on and said that I just had to give this suitor a chance. I think back to that time and I am still horrified by how another older person, this strange man who was not even invited to close family gatherings, was meddling in my private life!
I was uncomfortable, but I decided to go on the date. The awkwardness in knowing that your parents know you are on a date with a guy they already approve of, is another horrid aspect of the match-making process. Despite all of this, I ended up finding the suitor cute and charming; he was smitten by me, too. We went on a few more dates (with our parents’ knowledge), and finally went up to our parents ourselves and said that we wanted to get engaged!
Cassandra Rose Sachdev
31 years old, Teacher
With Saran, hanging out with mutual friends eventually evolved to hanging out with just Saran. Around this time, my parents had noticed my new love interest and approached me, rather than the other way around! Not only were my parents surprised that I was dating someone not local to Guam, but they knew nothing about Saran’s family, upbringing, or background. He was like my mystery boyfriend! However, as Saran began attending family gatherings where my parents were able to meet him more and get to know him better, they hit it off. There was some initial concern, from my parents and myself, that Saran’s family would not allow us to get married, but Saran guaranteed that his parents were modern and would be open to his decision. Needless to say, it all worked out as Saran and I have just celebrated our first wedding anniversary! Well, one of them. We did a Catholic wedding in a church and then a Sikh wedding in the Gurudwara six months later!