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Nine Men You’ll Date in Bangkok!

by Ashima

Lurking behind every Tinder and Bumble app are a sea of men.

The Masala Team

Some are upfront, some are sweet, while some may come off as overwhelming. Whatever it may be, they like their whiskey with soda, and though usually friendly and helpful, they are a solitary bunch, unless found together watching football. So in an attempt to educate women who are seeking their potential prince charming, Masala has come up with nine types of Indian men, women have or will most likely date in Bangkok.

By The Masala Team

The Uncle

The Uncle can be recognised by his strong Old Spice cologne, his proclivity for gold bangles and his workplace in Samphaeng. The Uncle loves whiskey. You will most likely hear him say, “Whiskey, no soda ok? Only water.” Oh how he loves his whiskey – it brings his hair down and sometimes his beard too. The Uncle is well-defined by his traditional roots. So if you are a fan of men knowing their way around the kitchen or the bedroom, it may be best to avoid The Uncle.

The Entrepreneur 

The Entrepreneur loves comics, only DC not Marvel, and has at least a couple of weekdays off. His work hours are unstable because his job usually requires him to hang out with friends and discuss business ideas at bars. He shuns tradition, and loves to think outside the box, unless the box contains alcohol or escorts. The dark secret of The Entrepreneur is that after three to six years, he usually morphs into an Uncle.

The F.O.B

The F.O.B. is usually very easy to identify. He wears fake Gucci or Versace shirts, in preferably shocking pink or lime green and very skinny jeans that are usually torn. Bollywood songs and dialogues roll effortlessly off his tongue and he often smells of coconut oil. The F.O.B. can’t stop talking about how incredible your physical attributes are with a hyena-esque gaze that is half I-am-a-virgin and half I-hope-you-are-a-virgin-too. If you like a guy who wears a wife beater at home, the F.O.B. is the man for you.

The International

The International went to school at ISB or NIST, continued his education at Monash or LSE and usually has cousins who live in Barcelona or San Francisco. He is not the backpack kind of traveller, but is of the Briggs & Riley suitcase variety. The International can’t stop complaining about the weather in a tropical paradise because he prefers the snow in Switzerland. He loves Game of Thrones but prefers the books. He is a master of the nonchalant social media posts that may seem like he randomly posted it, but actually, it requires an hour of meticulous editing. The International likes intelligent and independent women as long as they aren’t as intelligent or as independent as him.

The Hippie

The Hippie is a huge fan of alternative medicine, especially the kind you can find at music festivals. He is in touch with his chakras and is all about aligning his energies. He loves yoga and hates plastic bags. He has a good heart but has no idea how annoying and preachy he sounds 90 percent of the time. If you are a fan of listening to Pink Floyd while using your imaginative prowess at a Full Moon Party, then this is the man for you.

The Spoiled Brat 

The Spoiled Brat exists in all cultures but the Thai-Indian variety has certain unique traits. They usually start driving expensive German cars when they’re 16. The Spoiled Brat spends a lot of time at Demo or Muse, and will only date other spoiled brats. They expect you to treat them like royalty, while they treat you like a peasant. If you like narcissistic personalities with the emotional depth of a teapot, then this is the type for you.

The Playboy

The Playboy is a modern day Casanova with extensive Tinder skills. He can be found at the coolest parties with a different girl each time. He lives life in the fast lane, and therefore pays fines to the traffic police on the regular. He has no shame, just game! His antics are whispered about in hushed tones at dinner tables by worried parents. Think Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne but without the super intelligence and strong moral codes.

The Mama’s Boy

The Mama’s Boy still lives at home and has no plans to move out. He texts and calls his mom every day. They discuss his food, his bowel movements, his work issues, his friends and critically his relationships. He would never go out with a girl his mom doesn’t approve of, and in the great traditions of Oedipus, he expects you to talk, act and look like her. What could go wrong?

The Pretty Boy

The Pretty Boy loves to moisturise and gel his hair. He owns more skincare products than you and spends more time getting ready than most women. The Pretty Boy needs compliments to get through the day and gets devastated at the mere sight of a pimple. Also known as the metrosexual, The Pretty Boy has a 31 percent chance to become bisexual by his late 30s. Handle with care and return to the store while you can still get a refund.

Mr. Perfect 

The man, the myth, the legend! Some have claimed to have found The Mr. Perfect, but like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster, the evidence is hard to come by.

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