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Nama-Slay: Indian Equations

by Aiden

Sumati Huber does the maths so you don’t have to.

Indian Equations

Indians are generally thought to be quite proficient at maths and the professions that come with it. But even if you failed at algebra or calculus (and brought shame upon your family as a result), you may find redemption by realising that you are using important maths operations all the time in your daily life. Here are some examples of problems and equations that Indians are skilfully solving.

1. If a plane departs at 6.30pm, and each passenger has packed three overweight bags filled with questionable items like homemade spices and curry pastes, what time will you have to leave for the airport?

a. 4.30am because you will need ample time to repack your overweight luggage at the check-in counter.

b. 5.30am because you plan to argue relentlessly with the airport staff that it is totally fine to take food on a flight and you will not be paying the overweight fee.

c. 6.30am because your father will never let you leave any later than 12 hours before a flight.

2. (Hardworking + successful woman) – marriage partner = failure at life

3. Going out for a party tonight = You must stay home tomorrow because what will people say if you are seen frolicking two nights in a row?

4. Solve this problem: If Sanjana calls her threading lady on 5 November, how many dinners and social events can she attend before she needs to get threaded again?

5. Listed retail price divided by two = How Indians haggle for any item

6. Four appetisers x Eight main courses x Two Thai desserts x two Indian sweets = When one guest visits your home

7. You eat two pieces of samosa at your mom’s house and tell her, “Wow, this is delicious!” What number did your mom multiply by for 50 pieces of that same samosa to show up on your doorstep the next day?

8. Important occasion where you are only allowed to bring one guest + Being obligated to invite 15 of your closest relatives = How Indians show up to an event

9. If one family builds a hotel in a small neighbourhood, then another family decides to follow suit, followed by eight more families opting to do the same, how many hotels do you end up with on the same street?

10. Nine male friends are on a group WhatsApp chat sending messages during a time that is supposed to be vegetarian. What is the probability that the conversation is discussing how hard it is to be vegetarian on that day?

a. 100 percent and complaining that vegetarian food is just not that satisfying.

b. 100 percent and sending pictures of the non-veg dishes that they will be eating as soon as this is over.

c. 100 percent and making plans to meet at a meaty restaurant the next day.

An unreformed party girl and mother of two, writer, editor and observer Sumati Huber tries to make sense of our unique Thai-Indian society and the aunties that she will one day become.

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