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The Essential Valentine’s Day Guide: Singles’ Edition

by Webmaster Masala

Valentine cynic Shruti Kothari encourages us all to embrace our individualities.

February is here, and we all know what that means: an explosion of hearts and fat babies shooting arrows is inevitable. For couples, this holiday is either high success or high stress, depending on expectations met or missed. For most vendors, the 14th is a shiny pink cash cow that converts romancing into ro-milking. However, it’s the singles that crawl from the start of the New Year to Valentine’s Day, their true Halloween, with a sense of growing despair. There’s no escape: people are holding hands in every corner of the city, staring into each other’s eyes while you scuttle by with your head down, like a communally unwanted third wheel. This year, we present four different approaches for you uncoupled individuals to stop V-Day from feeling so much like D-Day.

DATE YOURSELF

That’s right. There’s no one in the world more precious than yourself, so celebrate that fact with a nice dinner or a movie date. The best thing is that there is no risk of buying yourself the wrong gift. Here are some ideas to spice up your day and make it memorable.

1. Have a spa day!

Go for a run at Lumphini Park and bond with the single monitor lizards wafting about on their own. Afterwards, you’ll definitely feel good about all the cake you’ve just earned. Put on your lumpiest face mask, light some candles and enjoy a long bath, because you’ve got no commitments.

2. Go to the cinema!

Watching movies by yourself is wonderful because nobody asks you irritating questions or expects you to look at them while Tom Cruise is jumping off a 120-foot ledge. You can safely ogle Jason Momoa in Aquaman without preying on anybody’s insecurities.

3. Play games!

You don’t need partners for some healthy competition. Challenge yourself with online quizzes on Sporcle, or teach yourself to do a cryptic crossword. You can even play squash or chess with yourself — you know you’ll always come out the winner.

DATE YOUR FRIENDS

Who needs Valentine’s when you can have a good ol’ Palentine’s? Rally your single friends and rebel by having more fun than anyone else. Revel in your shared singledom in the following ways:

1. Have a Secret Santa, but with love letters instead.

Once you have all received your letters, see if you can figure out who the mystery senders are. Having a range of possible admirers is way more fun than having just the one.

2. Host an open mic night!

Prepare poems, songs or stories about your terrible exes, your (fictional) ideal romance, or about the way you felt when you heard that Deepika Padukone was getting married, now forever out of your reach.

3. Hold a scavenger hunt!

If you’re kind and delight in other people’s romances, then you could ask your friends to find and photograph an old couple on a date, or the most unusual looking pair celebrating their love. However, if you feel a little Dark ’n’ Stormy about the occasion, try to instead catch a couple who are both on their phones, or one where a partner looks like he or she is anticipating a proposal that you think will never come.

REMIND YOURSELF THAT BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME

This approach is based on the fact that many things about being with someone else are not awesome. Have a little party for one, all by your selfsome!

1. Read our On The Radar article and ponder about why the people around you decided to get together. Was it love, or was it the desperate need for an urgent marriage?

2. Most establishments have special deals for singles, so don’t be afraid to venture out. What’s even more exciting is that the other singles will stand out like sore thumbs too, so it’s a good time to be on the prowl, if you’re looking for someone to enjoy being alone with.

3. Do all the things that having a partner would hamper. Meditate in peace, sleep in without loud snoring, try some funky yoga poses without feeling like you might frighten your lover, watch re-runs of Friends for hours and hours, and especially if you haven’t done this before, buy a fancy box of chocolate truffles and eat every single piece without feeling the need to offer some to anybody else. Oh, and that bottle of wine you’ve been saving for a special occasion? It’s all for you.

REMIND EVERYONE ELSE THAT BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME

Sometimes you don’t want to be polite or productive, and that’s all right. It’s your day to go full-on o-b-n-o-x-i-o-u-s.

1. Invite all your taken friends to your Palentine’s party. If they attend, enjoy the idea that they picked you over a hot date. If they don’t, relish the fact that they will have major FOMO every time they hear about what a success it was.

2. Send yourself a variety of flowers and cards at work, then ooh and aah loudly over your secret admirers. Remind your coupled-up colleagues how thrilling it is to have the luxury of choice.

3. Flaunt your freedom! Go out in heels and hairy legs, order tacos and enjoy the mess as the filling smears all over your face and splatters onto your plate. Smile at the couples around you who are secretly wishing they could do the same. Go to town on that garlic spaghetti with extra garlic, and if you’re lactose intolerant, then also ask for extra cheese, please. Burp loud and proud. You’ve got no one to impress but yourself.

There’s more to life than love! Watch these movies for some unromantic fun:

The Intouchables (2011), Little Miss Sunshine (2006), Becoming Jane (2007), The Stepford Wives (2004), Ratatouille (2007), Shutter Island (2010), John Tucker Must Die (2006), Charlie’s Angels (2000)

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